As in one of my previous posts (Being honest and truthful to yourself and others), I explained the steps I took in the past month of learning more about myself. Every time I felt it was the right time, I took the next step, and then the next. Now, I would like to share with you an example where I felt the change within myself.
Last weekend, I went home for the bachelor party of a good friend. Before the weekend, I was not 100% sure to join, since it takes 5 hours till I get home and I felt that I need a free weekend for myself. At the end, I knew it is the right thing to be there, since it is a special day for him and he would be very happy.
Rather than taking him out to a big city (e.g. Munich), we decided to hike to a hut on a hill and let him do all kind of challenges on the way and at night. Drinking was of course included and I didn’t want to be the one who does not drink. I managed for a long time to be in control of my self and my desires, especially I know from my student time that I easily lose my awareness when I drink to much, and for a long time it worked. Until… I had a “challenge” with him to chug a drink and from there I lost all my control. More beer followed, I smoked Water pipe (what I didn’t wanted before) and so on. I don’t remember the time but somehow my body told me to go to bed and I managed to leave the group and sleep.
The next morning, I woke up with a big hangover. Usually, old me, would have been miserable the whole day until I could finally go to bed again and hoped that next day everything is good. But here now the change…
The morning we hiked down the hill, I of course felt the pain in my body but I knew also, this is just relative and it will pass away. Instead, I thought about the time I’m spending with friends I am not able to see that often. Instead, I was aware of the forest, the sunlight shining between the trees and the shadow of the leaves moving on the ground. Instead, I saw many beautiful butterflies dancing between the wild flowers. Instead, being controlled by my negative thoughts I was just happy to feel and be alive.
This completely changed my perspective of the whole moment/day, and I was aware of what is really significant, the pure joy of being alive and with people I care.
Don’t get me wrong, I still sometime felt tired, needed to close my eyes but instead of feeling wrecked the whole day, I was aware of whats positive.
The train ride
My biggest eye-opening moment was during the train ride back to where I live. It takes around 4hrs and goes through farm fields and later the pre-alp area. Just by looking out of the window, I felt pure joy. A single tree, a lake, the farmer on his tractor… Just being aware of nature and life shifted my mind to a feeling of gratefulness. There was such an intense energy within me that I wanted to jump up and scream “Life is beautiful, enjoy every second of it”.
I did not 😉 but I did talk to the girl next to me who read a travel guide for Columbia and asked about her plans, why she wants to go there, what she does in life and why.
Depending on how well you know me, you might understand better my change from my old self to the one I am now. I walk through life with a soft smile, not due to blind happiness/optimism but because of being aware of the moment and enjoying it to the fullest.
On my last day in Hamburg visiting friends, I had a last meet up before I headed to the airport. Before meeting her, I wanted to get a local pastry in Hamburg (Franzbrötchen) from the best bakery in town. I told my friend I could meet her in an hour but after a while, I realized I won’t make it in time. I rented a bike and after returning it to one of the stations, someone else took it and I needed to walk to the next station. Now I thought, I would be even much more to late.
At the bakery, I ordered the pastry so fast, that she first gave me croissants and I realized: “Dude, slow down!”and I did. After stepping out I first closed my eyes and took a couple deep breaths. On the way to the bike rental and riding to my friend, I was not in a hurry and aware of for example the beautiful park around me.
I knew, even if i get a few minutes later to my friend, I will be in a much calmer and balanced mental state. This would only benefit our conversation and feeling much more, then having a few minutes more together but with a person being super stressed.
How we affect the people around us
In every story, the old me thinking would have been not good for myself and much more important for the surrounding people.
Hiking down from the hut, I enjoyed the time together and the beautiful nature.
On the train ride, I had a great conversation with another passenger
In Hamburg, my friend was meeting an unwound person.
Additionally, since I am meditating and enjoying every single moment of my life, most of the time I have a soft smile on my face. Thanks to this, I feel automatically stress-free and happy . BUT most importantly, I give a positive and calm signal to the people around me.
I still do have from time to time negative thoughts.
The difference now is, I don’t let those thoughts control