To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield (Ulysses)
This poem has been for a long time my companion. It reflects very well my life and reminds me of when I stopped. Something in us, keeps us moving forward. The pursuit of happiness, surviving or spreading our genes. Life started many million years ago in the oceans and somehow, that life had the impulse to leave the ocean to the land. Maybe out of curiosity or because of safety, we will never know.
My life has can be seen as a constant search. It might be because until now, I lived in a prison of self-imaginary bars. I lived without knowing who I am and only by the effects from outside. Some are due to the reason of how the human brain works but most are due to conditioning and the lack of awareness.
What am I striving for? To get to the core of this, I need time and calmness. The week hiking in Spain gave me a lot of free space, to ask myself this question. The practice of meditation and awareness was one key to open this door. I might have always known what is important to me but for long, I took to much care of OPO (other people opinions) and let them control my actions.
I have been long seeking for… well that is one of the hard ones. I seek a person to share the beauty and curiosity of life. I seek for my place on earth, where I can have a positive impact on the future generation. I seek for justice and equality. I seek for wisdom. I seek for love.
A friend described me once as restless and that I couldn’t settle for something. That I am always looking for the better option. The thing is, I was always searching for myself and without being aware of my self, the search would be endless.
I am grateful to everybody in and everything that happened in my life, which kept me moving forward because I wouldn’t be at this exact moment in my life.
Not to yield
For most of the time, I stood in my own way. I didn’t have the courage to stand my ground, to my values. I let myself easily drift away from the path I want to go. I put aside ideas and dreams I wanted to fulfill. I was honest and nice to other people.
to get to point/state/mindset where I am now, I needed to walk this path and experience this life. There is always good and bad, black and white and I believe, that from not being me, I will learn to be me.
Where does the search continue?
Close friends have been already asking me if I still have my job as an engineer at a big automotive company. I am very happy and pleased to share with you, that I quit my job 2 months ago and I have 2 more left. The decision was already clear for me beginning this year, but I needed some more time for myself and to reflect. To understand clearly what my strives are and what honestly I am seeking for.
I enjoy every single day I have left in this beautiful piece on earth with many great and loving people around me. I made many new friends, who have been a huge help in finding my path and with which without, I would not be at this point. So, I strongly believe, my path had to bring me here to continue further. Thank you from the bottom of my heart and believe me, that this is for me the hardest part of moving forward.
So, and where do I continue? From November on, I will be at a one month Yoga Teacher Class in Dharamsala. The following 3 weeks till I am home for Christmas, I either be hiking or staying at a monastery. This is only a short “vacation” with the reasons for seeking wisdom about the teaching of yoga, meditation and myself.
The main path I am going to take is out of the general employee position. January I am going to be a volunteer, or as we call us, Quetzaltrekkers. The Quetzaltrekkers’ mission is to provide a quality education to children living in homeless or low-income situations, by offering treks and tourism experiences in the Western Highlands of Guatemala. All the profit from those trips goes to the NGO Escuela de la Calle (“School of the Street”), an organization that provides education, housing, and social support to disadvantaged children in the city of Xela.
My main strive for this is, to help kids, who didn’t have the luck to be born, where there is easy and free access to education. I also want to learn more about the work of NGO´s and work as a hiking guide, to share my love for nature with others. I have many more ideas and plans but more on this later 🙂
For now, when I close my eyes and listen to myself, I have this positive and warm feeling, where I just feel happy and to be on the right way.