Reflection of my past journey

After leaving my former job as an engineer end of October 2018, I am on my last trip before I begin working again. And it feels good, to know I going to have a stable environment, doing meaningful work and getting back into a routine.

The past months, as you might have followed me, was an incredible journey. The experiences I have made, places I have seen and people I have met will nourish my future life. Not only have I chosen destinations and activities which deeply interested myself, but I also did I, what I so call the universal energy of life, lead me. And due to that, I  had enjoyed every moment and never felt stressed, disappointed or clouded. Thanks to all that, I met many people which I strongly believe, I had to get to know for my future life. A movie producer for NGOs I would love to learn from and work for in the future, open-minded conversations which helped me and others, deep connections with new friends and being amazed and fascinated by a few women with which I wished, I could have spent more time with.

There is only one huge thing I realized, that changed to the latter and which I want to work on again. The ability to just act and do it instead of pushing it back. It happens easily to me that I fall into a lazy state of mind where I become unproductive. Somehow, last year I felt the first time, that for a longer period I did what I wanted to do right away and not get distracted. It is the first thought in the morning, to get up early and start the day right and not snooze for an hour. Its when I, for example, received my new tent and still till now, never set it up. Its when I told my friend I am looking for a new sleeping pad and never ordered one and needed to go to the outdoor shop on the last day to finally buy one.

I know, it sounds so normal and you might think that everyone is having those phases in life. But after experiencing that I can do better, be more productive with my time and with that being able to do more during the day what I care about, others and also my self are benefiting from that. I am very happy about how I passed my past months, the time I took for deep conversation or embracing the moments in nature but there is still a lot of “dead” time in my life and I am eager to work on that.

As I am writing this, I am wondering if it is because of having trouble to implement a routine while traveling. Back when I had a stable environment with an apartment, people I know, the local farmer where I bought once a week my food etc. it felt easy to get up early, meditate, eat regularly and healthy and have a good night sleep. Now, I find myself more often not getting up right away, eat less frequently healthy and have more often sugary food which for a moment makes you feel “happier”. And even, knowing this, at that moment I forget about it and choose what seems in short term helpful but I am not benefiting long term.

I know, all this back and forth thinking is so human and its what’s fascinating me so much about us. How we went from living in a cave to sent a robot to Mars but also affecting negatively the health of the planet (I am purposely not writing “our” planet or “our” home since we are only guests). And it makes me extremely curious, after experiencing all the changes within my self the last year, what else I am able to descry, feel, descry my body&mind and also, how I can help the planet and others.

Just yesterday, I had an amazing and inspiring conversation wiht a person, who seems to be a couple years ahead from where I am right now, in making his life (also, he is in his late 30ies). We had a smiliar understanding of how to start a new way if living, leaving the office job behind and finding your passion and work on your dream. How to tiptoe closer to this dream, not rushing to fast towards it or stepping back from it. He described it to me in seven stages and even he himself, is just at the third (already having his own two buissness). I find myself between the first and second. The first one, the past year, was first to get to know myself and figure out what it is I want in life. I still am not 100% sure, and probably never will be, but I am getting closer and I believe, with finally starting working again, I will know better where I stand now and how to build my dream.


1 thought on “Reflection of my past journey”

  1. As you said, quite normal… pushing back, also called,procrastinating, there is a lot written about it and it can be a meaningful way,of avoiding stress, of keeping at bay the pressure life puts on you .
    (and how many of the people who are dead right sure about their daily routine in 2019 will have a very different one, if any, in 10 years!?)
    I believe it is normal, not to have all year lomg, years at a row, the same routine. Your body, your mind need,changes; routine is,boring and killing creativity. Allowing changes in routine opensmthe door for,new things,,different things, growth.

    I found a beautiful sentence attributed to Leonard Cohen: there is a crack in everything, that’s where the light gets in.

    Have a look at Mel Robbins 5 minutes morning routine/journaling,,there is some interesting stuff,(science,based) about how the first moments influence the whole day.
    I like to get up at 7am to have this first hour to myself but I usually don’t set up the alarm clock at the weekend. I believe that, if I did, I would sometime stopp setting it at all for weeks, and would waste a lot of time.
    We need vacation, we need breaks, they are an opportunity to recover, rejuvenate, develop, grow, let new good things in.

    If you never eat sugary things, you’ll develop cravings. If you did eat sugary thjngs, listen to your body, how it feels’differently, let it settle’in, that he is telling you good/not good, that will help you not fall into’the trap’so heavily the next time 😉

    Love u!


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